As Jason Voorhees sharpens his machete for a new round of terror in the Friday the 13th remake, this article looks at everyone's favorite body count king as he dons the Friday the 13th hockey mask for another round of slicing and dicing. Here are the Friday the 13th movies' 13 best kills.
13. Boxing Match Decapitation from Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
An aspiring prizefighter, while on the run from Jason Voorhees, challenges the heavyweight killing machine to fisticuffs. His head ends up in a trashcan after one punch. Winner and still champion: Friday the 13th Jason.
12. Frozen Face Smash from Jason X
A nubile young lady aboard a spaceship in the distant future finds out firsthand what it's like to have her head frozen and smashed into a hundred bloody pieces by the iciest iceman of all, Jason Voorhees. The Friday the 13th hockey mask wins again.
11. Sleeping Bag Squash from Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood
A sleepy young sex kitten gets the baseball bat treatment when Jason happens upon her in the woods. Jason Voorhees, batting clean-up for the movie monsters all-star team swings and swings and swings, but just can't seem to move that tree out of the ground. Then again, maybe that wasn't what he was shooting for. World Series MVP: Voorhees.
10. Garden Shears Ocular Impalement from Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning
Most people enjoy a cigarette or a good nap after sex. For one young lady, she didn't get the choice, instead receiving a pair of garden shears straight into her corneas by a new killer on the prowl. He of the ghastly green thumb: not Jason, but someone very like-minded, also in a Friday the 13th Jason mask.
9. Eat-Your-Heart-Out, Horshack, from Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
Voorhees gets back in the swing of things after taking a movie off, and what better way to celebrate a comeback than to do what millions of viewers had been wanting to do since the debut of Welcome Back, Kotter...kill Horshack?
To be exact, he doesn't just kill Ron Palillo's character, but rams his entire fist through Horshack's body and plucks his heart out as a souvenir.
8. The Wise Guy-Knucklehead Triple Lop-pay, also from Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
While stalking prey in the woods, Jason fills in for Moe Howard and commits his own version of the triple face-slap to three paintballers...with a machete. King Stooge: Friday the 13th Jason.
7. The Mattress Omelette from Freddy vs. Jason
Again, with the post-sex mayhem! Jason takes the old saying about breaking a few eggs to make an omelette and applies it to a spine-mattress theory on a young man just after the victim has copulated with his honey. Much messier than the breakfast favorite. Chef du jour Jason Voorhees is at it again.
6. Highway Sign Goodbye from Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday
Jason interrupts the sex this time with an unplanted road sign he uses to impale one victim just before using the sign to slice said person in half, vertically, from near the waist up. Highway Department's Employee of the Month: Friday the 13th Jason.
5. The Hello, Biker, Lend Me a Hand from Friday the 13th Part III
One unlucky biker survives his first encounter with Jason Voorhees only to die horribly later in this third installment after first getting his arm lopped off with a machete, and then dispatched with the same object seconds later.
4. No Such Thing as Kindness to the Handicapped from Friday the 13th Part II
A wheelchair bound young man hears a strange noise and rolls out to the front porch to investigate only to have his face nearly bisected by a fresh-to-killing Jason Voorhees in what is perhaps the most mean-spirited death scene in the Friday the 13th series. Not winning any humanitarian awards for this one: Friday the 13th Jason.
3. The Bye, Bye, McFly from Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter
It is uncertain what exactly Jason Voorhees had against Crispin Glover when they worked together in this film, but stabbing through his hand with a corkscrew and parting his hair with a meat cleaver isn't exactly a sign he's ready to join the George McFly fan club along with dozens of Glover's fans. Oh yeah, and he also crucifies his dead body in a doorway leaving the kitchen. Assumption: Voorhees did not care for the Back to the Future films.
2. The Handstand Colon Cleanse from Friday the 13th Part III
One talented young man likes to show off for his friends by walking everywhere on his hands. Jason is not impressed. The boy's loins eat a machete, splaying him in two for a later discovery, which sets up another of Jason's most mean-spirited kills: a knife through the stomach of the boy's pregnant girlfriend. Making abortionists look like nice people to pro-lifers since 1983: Jason Voorhees.
1. Kevin Bacon - Not Impressed from the original Friday the 13th
The only noteworthy face from the 1980 classic is Kevin Bacon; and he doesn't come close to seeing the third act of the film. Fresh after a lovemaking jag, he leans back to relax, while his gal is away, and whammo, unexpected tracheotomy. The undisputed king (?) of Friday the 13th kills: not Friday the 13th Jason, but someone very near and dear to his heart.
Final Cut
And there you have it, the 13 best kills in Friday the 13th history. Will the list need a rewrite? Join Jason Voorhees and the rest of the Crystal Lakers for the Friday the 13th remake and find out!
Read more on the Friday the 13th movies at IMDB. And to watch the trailer for the Friday the 13th remake, visit the official website.
Aric Mitchell - ABOUT ME I have approximately 7 years of instructional experience -- 5 in the corporate world and 2 in public education. I am also a ...
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